Easy Change

Comparative Compromise, Coping with Change This is the last article in a series of short posts about reflections on divorce. While I would not wish this on anyone for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is the financial impact that such an event can have, I certainly feel excited to be working through this process and wanted to take just a few moments to share some of the insights that have really affected me. One of the biggest skills that you need to cultivate as part of the divorce process is being comfortable with change an uncertainty. While this is a financial blog, there are several items that I found very helpful in this manner and these have had immense benefits for my entire life, not just my finances. The Untethered Soul - By Michael Singer Living Beautifully with Change and Uncertainty by Pema Chodron Besides these books I also found three additional pieces of advice are extremely helpful: 1. Go easy on yourself. In a word: compassion. With all of the ...

Dating with Data, Digging for Gold This article is part of a series on divorce which describes my experiences as part of going through a divorce. In short, I found that the dating world had changed somewhat by the time I returned to it as a result of my divorce. Now, the internet has changed dating, changed it even more than when I had originally met my spouse on America Online almost 20 years ago. Now the internet bustles with all sorts of applications for smart phones related to dating. Many of them are related and part of larger conglomerates at this point. I wanted to take this post really to just give my own personal impressions of dating as a result of this experience. I personally used an app called OKCupid which I found to be very good and helpful. Here are the things I liked: 1. It provided pictures and some opportunity to give a description. 2. It did not require for other people to know I was looking at their profile. 3. It allowed me to be able to answer questions...

This is a post in a series on divorce. The list of divorce topics  is here.  Understanding this process can be incredibly difficult, I felt compelle to share some of what I have gone through and learned personally. If you'd like to read the first post, click the link above. Once the assets have been divided, it is then time to start living a separate life. For me this meant dealing with a series of issues around money, time, and space. This post talks a little bit about the money aspect of the separation/initial divorce period...this IS a finance-focused blog after all! In the next post, Reclaiming Life, Restarting Goals, I will discuss more about the other aspects, time and space, but for this post, I am focused solely on the money aspect and the impact that living separately has on someone in this situation. Personally, I was fortunate while I divorced to have a good job and to be able to afford my own apartment and living expenses. While this may seem good at first, th...

Reclaiming Life, Restarting Goals is the title I chose for this post, one in a series of posts about coping with the aspects of divorce. Originally I wanted to write these posts because this is mostly a blog about my finances but I also realize that largely this is a blog about life. Reclaiming Life is something that is hard to imagine, but it is an absolutely necessary step if your divorce was tragic and had a profound impact on you. I'd imagine that this is true for most people, but it is worth noting that I am speaking only from my personal experience. Reclaiming is from the verb to reclaim: re·claim rəˈklām/ verb verb: reclaim ; 3rd person present: reclaims ; past tense: reclaimed ; past participle: reclaimed ; gerund or present participle: reclaiming 1 . retrieve or recover (something previously lost, given, or paid); obtain the return of. "he returned three years later to reclaim his title as director of advertising" synonyms: get back, ...

When it comes to making the decision to divorce, unless there is some overarching circumstance, I view it as a mistake to do it rashly. In order to make the decision, dealing with the feelings and emotions involved first made the most sense. Often when things get changed in our lives it is because we have become fed up with the current state in some way or shape. In this case, there is a feeling that the time for Divorce has come. Deal with your Feelings and Emotions first, noticing that there may be some distinction here. For me my emotions are concrete: Happy, Sad, Complacent, and perhaps fearful. Feelings are a bit more nebulous. I might feel trapped. I might feel subservient. I might feel powerful. None of these are truly emotions, but they are intangible, and somewhat subjective. For me, once I felt unhappy in the situation, I tried on various occasions to deal with why I had these unhappy feelings. The feelings, more than the emotions were the primary driver of the change. M...

This is the third post in a series of posts about divorce, covering a variety of topics and including a series of advice which in hindsight seems obvious, but before going through the process, seems very essential. In deciding what the best way to even the equalities out, I found that I needed to decide first where my feelings were about the other person. In my case, the soon-to-be ex still held a place in my heart, something which has undoubtedly diminished over time. But at the moment in time when the decisions of divorce are taking place it is impossible to know the future. So, I would strongly recommend that you consider your feelings toward this other person and other people affected. Separately, you should examine any morals or principles that you have to honor when you are going through the process. For me, I shared everything, I literally wanted to give my whole life to someone else. And that was something that I cannot even begin to explain in words, so this moral idea se...

This is the third article, but arguably should have been the first, in a series of articles I wrote last year with regard to my divorce. For me, this was an important part of the process to be able to consider the aspects of the topic in a detached, analytical way.  It has been a very long time since I posted anything to this blog, and now with the new year, 2015 in full swing, I will provide some detail about what has been going on for me in my financial life. Finances when it comes to divorce are a difficult proposition to be sure. In this series of articles, I will provide some clear details about what the steps are that I have taken to keep my financial house in order, the steps I've taken that have set me back, and also my ongoing struggles to make sense of all of the various decisions coming for me in the future. I welcome comments and ideas; I am not an expert on these financial topics by any means and I think that it makes a lot of sense to consider carefully what will...