Skip to main content

Comparative Compromise, Coping with Change

Comparative Compromise, Coping with Change

This is the last article in a series of short posts about reflections on divorce. While I would not wish this on anyone for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is the financial impact that such an event can have, I certainly feel excited to be working through this process and wanted to take just a few moments to share some of the insights that have really affected me.

One of the biggest skills that you need to cultivate as part of the divorce process is being comfortable with change an uncertainty. While this is a financial blog, there are several items that I found very helpful in this manner and these have had immense benefits for my entire life, not just my finances.

The Untethered Soul - By Michael Singer
Living Beautifully with Change and Uncertainty by Pema Chodron


Besides these books I also found three additional pieces of advice are extremely helpful:
1. Go easy on yourself. In a word: compassion. With all of the crazy that happens during the divorce it is very tempting to place blame and to also become a captive to these negative feelings. Feel your feelings and don't beat yourself up over how you feel. Feel them and express them appropriately.

2. Stick with your friends. Sometimes there can be an immense impact on your family during a divorce. It can be easy to continue to isolate. Resist this temptation. Work to reconnect and rekindle friendships. You will undoubtedly have days when you can really use friends around you. Avoid the temptation to spend all of your energy hunting for the next person and instead pour some of that energy into friendships which should stand the test of time. Friends will be less judgmental and often more accepting of the ups and downs of life than your family is.

3. Care for your health. While it is somewhat strange, it is important to note that your health is something that, like time, is precious and is difficult to salvage if it is wasted. So, if you have not handled your health previously, start now. Go to the gym. Go to the doctor. Start cooking and eating healthy food, in reasonable amounts! All of this will continue to improve your outlook and also your body so that you will be able to tackle all that the divorce process throws at you.

All of this is to say that you shouldn't give up on yourself! Find out ways to motivate yourself and then just move on and tackle those difficult challenges. All of this will be easier with your health in good shape, friends at your side, and a compassionate attitude. '

For me, in the rear view mirror, the divorce is just a detour in my life journey. And I wouldn't change my journey now for the world because I have learned so much about myself and how strong I truly am.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Blogging WealthTrack: Christine Benz (Retire Early? Or not?)

 This morning I've watched an interesting video on Consuelo Mack: WealthTrack. Here, Consuelo's guest, a longtime contributor, Christine Benz, a personal finance expert from Morningstar joined Consuelo for a discussion on issues related to retirement, in particular in the current market environments. This conversation is even more interesting against the backdrop of The Great Resignation. I found Christine's advice to be particularly interesting on a couple of fronts. Her advice in dealing with talking about retirement in general, in particular for people who are in the process of thinking about retiring early gave me pause. She is considering the traditional advice of a 4 percent withdrawal rate to be dangerous and indeed, actually concerning. According to the recent research she cites, a 3% withdrawal rate is a better option. Even more than the four percent rule, I think that her comments on annuities are particularly interesting. While annuities have been given a bad nam

More Money Into Ibonds

 At this point, it seems like a well-known strategy for handling inflation: ibonds. While there was not much press about this, it is in fact something that I did late last year in order to capitalize on the fact that this interest rate was bound for up to 10000 dollars as part of my allotment for 2021. Then now that we're in the new year, I have moved another 10000 into the account. All of this can be done easily at http://treasurydirect.gov if you're willing to give up the fact that the money is locked up, that the interest rates to be paid will be somewhat lower than you could earn in the market, and you're able to ensure that you're not needing the money for the near future.  For me personally, I find that this is a great way to lock up about 25% of my emergency (safe) money instead of putting it into a High Yield Savings account. This interest rate changes every six months, but even if it is much lower, I think that we're going to be in much better shape than if

Credit Report Review

So, one of the things that I've started doing is trying to pull my credit reports at regular 4 month intervals so that I get a free one frequently to make sure that things are progressing as I'd like them to and also as a safeguard against identity theft. Of course, the part that I don't like is that these reports don't include a fico score - the key number when it comes to determining if you are going to be extended credit and at what interest rate. This time, I got the report from Equifax - I went to the end of the process and for 8 dollars more I could get my credit score. And the Equifax gave me a credit score of 742. This of course is not even close to the perfect score of 850 when it comes to fico score nirvana, but 742 is still a respectable fico score. Things to improve are basically lowering my balances on my credit cards and loans, which I already have a plan for. And also I noticed that the amount that I paid off on one of my loans is actually still being rep